running the race.

Sunday, January 15, 2006

Platonic Relationship: How close is too close?

DEFINITION

Platonic relationship: a pure, spiritual affection, subsisting between persons of opposite sex, unmixed with carnal desires, and regarding the mind only and it excellences.

Best friend: A confidant and support to the other. Someone you feel deeply about and care for.

Biblical best friendship: One that challenges the other towards God and to do more for Him.

Technically, having a best friendship with the opposite sex is not exactly impossible. But the thought of having one can and will be deceiving. For a person to have a best friend of the opposite sex, there must be some value or idea that they base their relationship on, be it spiritual or not (like the same things, etc.) Most of the time, they can and might justify that the reason is spiritual and thus, should not affect anything. But most of the time, we know it as a figment of their imagination that they choose to believe in. They want to create an image that they are in a relationship that is Godly, which may not be the case.

Jer 17:9
“The heart is deceitful above all things and beyond cure. Who can understand it?”

The fact that one is in such a relationship means he/she is getting something beneficial out of it. The carnal seeks to please itself and when we are in such a relationship, the benefits are suspicious. How does this matter? It matters because the benefits might not be a spiritual origin. We would of course like to look at the positive side that the benefits are truly Godly, but we have to be careful on this lest we deceive ourselves as well. We must also not be naïve to the point that we do not see the negative side of things. For example, a guy could be in a male-female best friendship because the likes and fact that he has a chance to talk to girls, or that a girl likes to talk and confide in him (its partly an ego issue as well). He/she may have a crush on the other party and is enjoying the time they spend together.

I believe if a relationship is truly based on the fact that both parties help each other towards God then it should be all right. But at an age where our hormones are raging and when our hearts can be deceitful at all times, one can never tell. It may start of right but who knows what might happen along the way? One or both parties may start to think otherwise. As the Chinese idiom goes, “The relationship deepens as time is spent on it.” It may start of well, but it might turn out to be disastrous. Close friends maybe, but best friends? Not quite. Even if they are close friends, they must be accountable to someone spiritually more mature in case something unwise develops.

“How close is too close?” Physical contact is a definite “NO”. One must be conscious of this area. But the same principle applies when sharing, be open not naked. Two of them must understand that they might never be able to help with the other party’s problems. In a normal same gender relationship, the two will be able to identify and help. In a male-female relationship, how is the male going to help with a problem that he has never encountered because much less help out. With that in mind, sharing deeps is really tough.

CONCLUSION

I believe for cross gender best friendship to be possible, there must be some guidelines. Age and maturity could be one of the factors too. But whatever the case, we are putting both parties in a vulnerable situation, because no matter how big the age difference, no matter how mature, there is still a possibility of us falling. The results can be devastating.

The most possible cross gender best friendship that I can think of, would be in the case of a marriage. Where the two of them are best friends to each other.

I believe the key question is this, why is there a need to have a cross gender best friendship? It is not as if there are no more friends in church who are of the same gender. Why put our people or ourselves in a vulnerable situation?

till the end;12:55 PM