Tuesday, December 28, 2004
Today's blog is special. DO NOT READ IT! and i mean IT!!! i just want to air it all out. Only few can read! ask me if you want to read. Respect my decision. Thank you.
IDIOT!!!!
waste. i wasted my life enough. enough of making stupid mistakes. seriously i hate it. i feel so damn it now. call me an idiot david. God i think i wasted enough. i can't stand anymore. i want o pursue my dreams to do a O next year. But the ministry will not let and only allow me to do secondary 3 express. i damn it! freak! so damn... what else can i say? the other path is saint francis. but i damn know it's so damn freaking idiot. ah ya. what words can i used? i really feel lost. It's all gone. my wishes. i understand that they will help me out to JC. but it's one year of studying all over again. i feel so idiot. but i know that that maybe God's best. Pris wanna me to go to take the sec 3.it's like studying it 3x when i already know it. what other choice am i left with? none. i know that my leaders are God sent to help me. i will obey. But God i just feel so damn it. i can't use other word already. i seriously need a meet up with you! please!!!! help me! i hate my life. why i am like that? why? why? why? i know that you used me to shame others but i hate it. not that i do not want to be a vessle but why another year? it's like 4 years wasted again! like repeating secondary school all over again. help god. This is what i really want to say. Yes i love you. I will never want to waste my life. it sucks. i hate that feeling. get me? wasting 4 years again. please i am in a mode of uncertainity. i wish i could end this life now. bUt i know you are with me. it's not wise. i love you God. help me. i want to live a life that shines your name. Is this the only way to shine your name? father! i love you. please help me. please. if this is the only way, i will obey and submit. i want to do it willing. i live my life for one. But God, that are all my thoughts. how i feel. all i can say is i am so damn freak out now. i am an idiot that mess up my whole life. i need you. me an idiot but you are a God that change an idiot to a non idiot. help. That's all i can say. no one is at fault serious. but i just hope to live my life per normal.
sorrie if it stumbles you. but i just have no words to replace it.
DAVIDPETER
till the end;11:28 PM
